Hugging the Cactus: A Powerful MBSEP Moment in "Fantastic Four: First Steps"
In Marvel’s latest cinematic reboot, Fantastic Four: First Steps, the story centers around Marvel’s beloved "First Family" as they navigate a lush, retro-futuristic version of the 1960s. Portrayed compellingly by Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards and Vanessa Kirby as Sue Storm, the film is not just a cosmic adventure; it delves deeply into the intimate dynamics that define their relationship.
Amidst galactic threats from iconic villains like Galactus and the Silver Surfer, a poignant moment unfolds quietly between Reed and Sue, illustrating a profound teaching central to Mindfulness-Based Somatic Emotional Processing (MBSEP) for Couples.
Sue confronts Reed with vulnerable honesty: “Sometimes you being you hurts me.” Reed, rather than reacting defensively or rationalizing his behavior, responds simply and sincerely: “I don’t mean to.”
In MBSEP terms, this exchange exemplifies what we call "hugging the cactus": recognizing and embracing the difficult truth that aspects of our nervous system, our emotional patterns, defenses, and histories, can cause pain to those we love most deeply. This concept involves holding awareness of one's impact on a partner without resorting to guilt, blame, or withdrawal.
What makes this interaction powerful is the willingness of both partners to stay present: Reed holds Sue’s truth, fully accepting his role without denial or deflection; Sue, in turn, receives his acknowledgment without weaponizing it. They embody mutual attunement, a cornerstone of co-regulation.
Their interaction illustrates how MBSEP guides couples in navigating the inevitable discomfort that arises in relationships. It highlights that love deepens not by avoiding pain but by remaining fully present with it. When couples learn to witness each other’s difficult emotions with compassion rather than attempting to erase or "fix" them, trust and intimacy naturally flourish.
Within the cinematic narrative, the Fantastic Four’s struggle against cosmic forces serves as a metaphor for external pressures couples often face. In MBSEP practice, we observe that external stresses amplify internal dynamics: relational ruptures, emotional wounds, and patterns shaped by past traumas become clearer and, importantly, more addressable when acknowledged openly.
This powerful moment in Fantastic Four: First Steps beautifully demonstrates a crucial MBSEP principle: the courage to "hug the cactus," accepting that our nervous systems, shaped by survival and history, have edges that sometimes hurt those we love. Rather than ending connection, this acknowledgment can become a bridge to deeper, more authentic intimacy. As I reflect in my book, MBSEP for Couples, “I am not the container, I do not need to hold everything. Love itself is the container. My role is not to control love but to show up fully in presence and trust, stepping back to allow love to breathe, unfold, and hold us both.” In this way, even pain becomes a portal to sacred healing.
Through Reed and Sue’s example, the film subtly reinforces that true strength in relationships lies not in flawless harmony, but in honest, compassionate recognition of each other’s complexities. This lesson, simple yet profound, is the heart of Mindfulness-Based Somatic Emotional Processing for Couples.
In my own experience with Lyndsey, "hugging the cactus" has meant sitting with moments when my presence or actions unintentionally caused pain, and instead of withdrawing or becoming defensive, allowing the discomfort to guide me toward deeper accountability and connection. Each time we faced these prickly truths together, we emerged with more trust, compassion, and resilience. This practice is not easy, it requires bravery, vulnerability, and consistent somatic awareness, but it transforms relational wounds into opportunities for profound growth and intimacy.
